Have you ever used a clearing technique on some emotional pain and bumped into resistance? Did you think, “Oh my gosh, this must not be working,” and back off from what you were doing?
Did you find tears welling up and decide you just didn’t want do any more? Certainly, if I’m doing this right the healing should be easier than this?
I’ve been there. I don’t know how many times in my life I stopped the process before I understood that the release would occur if I stayed present to it. The resistance was the reason I was experiencing suffering.
Now I understand that when I meet resistance, I’m at the crucial healing moment.
Our tendency is to stop and run. It’s a natural response. We do that by distracting ourselves with our thoughts and our stories.
I was quite masterful at running away. I could find all kinds of reasons to avoid sitting still with myself and compassionately being present to my pain. In retrospect, it made complete sense. It was pain!
However, every time I ran away, I extended the clock on the pain I was experiencing.
Resistance is where we meet ourselves. It’s the stuff that would make us feel uncomfortable about ourselves and our experiences. Behind our resistance, we are protecting our regrets, resentments, vulnerability, feelings of shame, inadequacy—our fear that we were never worthy of the love we truly want to know.
The resistance is also where we keep our stories—our beliefs, patterns of behavior, and all our reasons for feeling bad.
Resistance is the way we try to protect ourselves from our own painful feelings.
The irony is that the more we resist being present to our resistance, the more uncomfortable we feel about our lives, without ever quite being able to put our finger on the reason for that pain.
The answer and the freedom live on the other side of the resistance. In order to get to the other side, the resistance needs to be met, and preferably with love. Your resistance gives way to love because love is what you have been seeking all along.
All those negative feelings behind the resistance are just waiting for you to hold them in your grace and compassion. Deep in your psyche a part of you is waiting to know that you love you unconditionally—that you love the shame, regrets, vulnerability, and fears of inadequacy right along side your love for your talents, beauty, service, kindness and any other qualities you value.
If you only love your positive qualities, you turn away a big part of yourself. You leave the most wounded part of you out in the cold, separated from your love. And those are the parts that are suffering inside you.
For a powerful story about loving the wounded parts of you, I recommend this beautiful self-healing story from this Woman of Power and Spirit interview with Lea Chapin.
When it comes to emotional healing, resistance does not necessarily mean stop. In my experience it means, “Please come closer. I need you. I need to feel your love.”
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Thanks, girl! This is great. Powerful. Unifying. Words about our resistance to the change that acceptance brings to us. When it comes to inner healing it is a little like no is yes, actually… We need to use our wisdom and courage here, together with our compassion. Thank you for all you are doing, Misa.
Koalabyu
Koalabyu, I’m glad this resonated with what you also know to be true. I receive your thanks with a humble and glad heart.