In my choice to not spend energy fighting cancer, but rather to attend to the emotional healing and metaphysical meaning of cancer, I discovered 4 layers of abuse associated with chronic illnesses. In this rather lengthy, but important article, I share my discoveries.
As I discuss in Part 3, I understand that fighting cancer is basically a choice to go to war with some part of myself, and since I believe in the power of emotional healing to support me in my physical healing, I decided that a warring position was not one that suited me. I chose a path of compassion in my emotional healing, and here are the layers of abuse I encountered in my compassion meditations.
Each day, I meditate in compassion with the affected areas of my body, where a trusted spiritual guide and teacher, pulled cancerous energy out of my body. I see it as my responsibility to complete the process she so lovingly began.
As I have been meditating with layers of emotional healing—the metaphysical meaning and roots behind cancer, I am discovering an insight that is quite uncomfortable, but significant.
I know when the roots of chronic illnesses have become apparent to me because the roots are often a bit disquieting. They are the kinds of beliefs, with attached feelings, that I would prefer to avoid, yet know I must find compassion for if I am truly dedicated to my emotional healing.
In my meditation with cancer, I discovered multiple layers that needed to be addressed. While I expect that each person would have their own variations of these layers, I sense that the overall layers may provide some clues for each of us.
Layer 1 in the Emotional Healing of Cancer and Chronic Illnesses
The first layer is one that many of us first address in our healing journeys. This is where we realize we are or have been the victim of some unfortunate circumstance. In my case, I once again returned to unreleased pain and helplessness around sexual abuse.
I have done a lot of healing around this, so this particular layer did not take long for me, but if acknowledgement of abuse is new to you, you might find that it takes a while to truly honor the part of you that still feels the pain of victimization.
In the world of today, where so much negative energy is projected toward an individual when they are feeling the pain of their victimization, I strongly recommend that you do the opposite. There is no need to criticize yourself for feeling victimized or attempt to ignore it because it is a “lower” energy field.
Your self acknowledgement and compassion are all that are needed for the one that was wounded to finally relax and rest. Your love for yourself is the remedy for that pain. If you feel victimized, you need self-love and deep, caring compassion.
For a beautiful and ancient meditation that can help you experience deep emotional healing through compassion, I recommend The Holding, which can be found in my book, Sacred Feminine Awakening: The Emergence of Compassion. http://sacredfeminineawakening.com/book/
Layer 2 in the Emotional Healing of Cancer and Chronic Illnesses
The second layer was the part of me that abuses—myself and others. While I have never raped someone physically, my thoughts over the years have not always been kind. Angry, resentful thoughts and disparaging words are all forms of abuse that I have inflicted on myself and others—even people I love.
The next layer of woundedness that needed my love and compassion was the abuser inside of me. I have sat with this part of myself a great deal throughout my years of healing work, so this layer also found rest fairly quickly.
It would have been easy to attempt to pass by this layer of my pain, since I’ve held this part of me in so much compassion over the years. But I know from experience, there are nuances of victimization and abuse that rise to the surface that need love. To deny them compassion is to deny my very self and most of all the part of me that is in pain—even if that pain is operating at a subconscious level affecting my health and my choices.
The truth is that it exists and therefore, it is worthy and in need of my love.
Layer 3 in the Emotional Healing of Cancer and Chronic Illnesses
It was the third layer that really got my attention. Here I experienced my greatest dread. I met the part of me that likes to be abused. That’s right. The scary word in that sentence was like. I touched and then consciously acknowledged the part of me that finds some measure of satisfaction in being the pure and worthy, but unseen and unrecognized woman, that finally sees herself when she is abused.
Acknowledging that there was a part of me that wants the abuse was a difficult to admit. And it took some dedication to feel true compassion for that part of me. But recognizing the sweetness in the pain—the part of me that wants to remember I’m pure and worthy—what an important part of me to discover and honor through the compassion.
When this layer released, there was one more to go in relationship to the abused and the abuser within.
Layer 4 in the Emotional Healing of Cancer and Chronic Illnesses
This was the most challenging layer. In this layer I saw my need to be compassionate with the part of me that likes to abuse. There it was again—liking it. This was more than acknowledging that I can abuse. Acknowledging that there is a thrill in it that I like was a bit terrifying for me.
The truth is that it can feel good to say something demeaning to someone else, or think it. Look at how many movies we see where a leading character makes a snide and poignant remark. Most of us laugh. Me included. Power at the expense of another let’s me feel righteous and masterful. And as I have written before, righteousness is addictive.
Mentally, I’ve known the third and fourth layers of relationship exist. What I wasn’t doing was finding compassion for them. I needed to feel compassion for the part of me, the scary part of me that likes playing out these roles of abused and abuser.
I know that when I have felt enough compassion, the needs of the abused and the abuser within me, along with their thrills and their pain will diminish. These layers are experiences of being human—forgetting that we are Divine in origin—separating our consciousness from complete Divine awareness.
I am not the first human to meet these parts of myself and I will not be the last. Cancer is the manifestation of my desire to further reject those aspects of being human. I know from my experience that compassion is the great healer. As I can accept all the aspects of myself, I embrace my true nature, and in owning it all I am free.
Here is the question I ask myself and I am asking you…
What would happen if you neither ran away from your fears of unworthiness, nor fought to feel self-respect? What would happen if you fell in love with you and your life, and served the Divine heart-beat that lives inside of you? Is it possible that all of the life force you put into fighting cancer or chronic illnesses could better serve you if your emotional healing energy was directed into loving the life you are here to live?