If you are committed to making changes in your life and you want to make them quickly, here are five steps that make it possible.
Have you ever set your intention, opened up to the potential, and received guidance about what you need to do next…
… but couldn’t seem to keep the energy going to make the necessary change?
It’s tough isn’t it? When you can’t keep the energy and motivation alive, you can end up very quickly feeling like a failure.
Something I remind my clients regularly is that as adults we often expect once we know what we need to do, the change will be instantaneous.
The reality is that we are usually adopting an entirely new belief system and set of behaviors, and in earth time, making this kind of change requires our consistent and loving attention.
Earth has a slow pace of creation for a reason. It gives us time, as creators, to carefully assess exactly what we do want. We have time to make necessary corrections before our intention comes to life.
Because the pace is slower, we have time to see how our limiting beliefs and woundedness cloud the landscape.
Impatience won’t serve us here. In truth, impatience makes it more difficult for transformation to occur, and actually slows down our processes or grinds them to a halt.
Many of us grew up in environments where punishment was used to motivate us to do the “right things”. However punishment sets up an internal reality that is harsh and overly critical. It makes us impatient and de-energizes us.
In a punishment construct, our focus becomes avoiding punishment, rather than creating a beautiful and harmonious life.
In a reinforcement-based, positive, model of making changes in life, you break your goal down into small achievable steps. With small enough steps you are going to be successful.
Creating small steps will give you successes and those successes will give you the energy you need to keep going
Shifting your consciousness to a reinforcement-based life, instead of a punishment-focused life requires steadfast focus on encouragement and compassion to replace criticism and fear.
Yes, it can be a journey, but then isn’t that why we are here?
Having once been a harsh and critical woman who was constantly trying to change the world around me in order to feel okay about my life, I much prefer a life in which I truly feel energized…
… based in compassion, understanding, and positively motivated change—starting with how I treat myself—and extending outward to how I treat others.
To my amazement, how I treated myself made a significant difference in my motivation level. Psychologist, Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD. provides some great clarity in her article about finding the motivation to change.
If you want to make a big change and you want to make it quickly, here are five steps that make it possible:
1. Create Steps. The very first step is to create steps. If you want to speed it up, you’ve got to break it down. You want an environment in which you have the optimum opportunity to succeed. To do that, see your goal and break it down into steps. Ask yourself, “What is the smallest step I could take to be fairly certain I’d be successful?” Start there and when it’s mastered, plan your next step.
2. Use Reminders. Don’t expect yourself to just get the concept and instantly make the change. You sure wouldn’t do that to a child learning something new. So coach yourself, by putting reminders all over your house.
3. Adjust Steps as Needed. If a step proves to be too big, and you are having a lot of difficulty being consistent, break it down to an even smaller step. Get it small enough that you feel successful.
4. Reinforce Your Success. Instead of criticizing what you didn’t do, change those kinds of thoughts instantly by immediately taking your step—in that moment. Then compliment yourself for turning the energy around. When you take your step, you are entitled to a big smile!
5. Stay in Your Compassion. Criticizing yourself or others when you are learning something new won’t help you, and it won’t encourage others to help you. When you miss the step completely, and can’t get it turned around immediately, it’s a good time to send a little love to yourself. After all you are learning. Then, put a reminder somewhere to encourage you even more to engage your step, or break it down further into smaller steps.
In my best-selling book, The Root of All Healing, I share the common phases most of us go through naturally in making behavioral changes. Those phases and these steps will give you a good foundation for making changes with greater ease.
Here’s to small, successful steps and lots of positive encouragement so that you truly do have the energy to sustain the changes you are making.
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Good morning Misa, I am new to your words of inspiration! I just wanted to say that after reading the 1st of the 5 Steps to Changing My Life, my hope was restored. My dear, loving, funny & best friend DAD used to say “you have lost & gained thousands of pounds throughout your life”, when I would speak with him about the inconsistency of my weight etc. (By no means was he being mean or critical – just trying to lighten my mood with some humor is all). I loved my father soooooo much. He also used to say, “why don’t you try telling yourself you would like to lose 5 pounds, instead of 20″….. hence, your 1 step message. So, I have decided Misa, that instead of doing cardio & a workout at the gym (that I had not been going to for almost 2 months, due to closure for renovations), my new goal is to JUST do cardio. In 2018, when I once again returned to the gym, I started by going 5 days out of the week. Every time I went I did 30 mins. cardio followed by alternate work outs (1 day, upper body, the next, lower & so on). Then I hurt my upper arm, they closed the gym for 2 months, both which broke my consistency leaving me to the USUAL pattern of mine, ALL or NOTHING syndrome. So, in closing – they have just re-opened the gym. I am looking forward to a new attitude towards my physical well being. One day at a time…. no rules as to how many days a week I will go, but when I do….. I will do cardio only & take my father’s advice… seek to lose just 5 pounds. When I achieve that goal, I can set the next one (your 2nd step) which would be the same “lose 5 pounds & maybe add a little body strengthening as well. Hopefully I will see the pounds come off & stay off, once & for all. Much love & gratitude to you Misa!
Hi MaryAnn, I’m so glad this article provided you with some inspiration. Most of all, how wonderful that your father’s loving coaching found its way to you once again! No doubt, his love will hold you steady with every step you take!
Dear Misa. I find you a salve in what feels like undercurrents of history repeating itself yet again. Impatience is an understatement for what I feel. More like disbelief and despair. Will the human animal learn and evolve or will we sink back into the mud to simply begin again in a different form? Being in compassion is so, so challenging in the U.S. at this time. So much of this culture pulls at our worst attributes. Thank you for the reminder and your constancy.
Rosemary, compassion is challenging at this time, but it is our best hope. The more of us who keep our love alive in the worst of times, the greater the potential that we will create a better reality. Every inhumane act is an act of woundedness—a maimed spirit lashing out in pain. I’ve been that spirit. I know if I can recover, so can others. At the time I needed it most, beautiful men and women entered my life and no matter how angry I was, they maintained compassion for me and for those I blamed and criticized. Because of their compassion, eventually, I found my own beautiful heart. And I have met your heart, which is so very sweet. I am convinced the way that you love is a powerful healing balm for all who have the privilege of knowing you. No doubt, the ripples you create are making a wonderful difference!