It took me a lot of years to figure this one out. I grew up in a family that practiced cynicism like a religion. Nothing was exempt from our familial cynical eye. Anything that wasn’t part of our family’s dogma was suspect and therefore, frequently ridiculed during the family meal or late night discussions.
I thought cynicism was a normal part of life. It seemed to be a family practice that had been handed down several generations, and was so natural that it didn’t occur to me to question it until I went to college to become a special education teacher and later, as I delved more deeply into my physical healing. I discovered that positive thoughts, feelings, and expressions were far more effective with my students and in reinforcing my healing choices.
Cynicism has a way of presuming, “I’m right and you are wrong.” It is full of negativity that is harmful to the people or events you are being cynical about and it is toxic to you when you are one being cynical. Here is the deal. If you are being negative about someone else or something else, you are in the negative energy.
It is completely possible to question or consider the validity or veracity of something or someone without being cynical and therefore, negatively critical. I gave up on constructive criticism years ago, because I think the concept begets negativity and cynicism, and ultimately that isn’t constructive. You create a toxic environment for yourself and others when you are being cynical and disease gets fed in a toxic environment.
Let’s say that you just started a new healing therapy and it is not entirely comfortable for you to incorporate into your life. It requires some significant change, so you complain about all the ways in which you must adjust your habits and your life. How much benefit can you derive from the therapy if you surround it with negative thoughts and feeling? It sets up a breeding ground where part of your psyche has permission to sabotage your efforts. In very little time, you are likely to discover that the therapy you have adopted is not working well for you, so you have cause to give up on it and look for something else.
If, on the other hand, you recognize that you are going to need to make some significant changes and you do so willingly with a positive disposition, your choice becomes an active commitment to your well being, which your psyche recognizes as positive action on behalf of wellness. Even if the choice is not easy to implement immediately, your commitment and positive attitude are speaking to your subconscious. This creates an environment where your entire subconscious and conscious mind can align in the direction of your healing.
After years of dedicated, personal self-healing, and having observed hundreds of people in their healing process, I discovered that the negativity of cynicism has no place in the healing journey. Cynicism is a way of saying that you and others are never good enough. It is like saying the Divine presence in each person isn’t living up to your expectation. How can you accept Divine intervention in your healing if you are criticizing what the Divine brings into your life? When I finally realized this, I stopped being cynical and the healing had space in which to emerge. I was finally really trusting.
People heal when they are positively focused with love and clear intention to heal. They release themselves from the bondage of their anger and frustration, into the peaceful inner spaces that allow healing to occur. If I had known that when I was growing up, I might never have adopted the habit; however, as an adult recognizing its harmful nature, life and healing has been a lot easier without the limitations and toxicity of cynicism.
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Misa, I love your comment about "weird aunt" in the reply to Lyndy. I too chose a different path than my family and went through a period of asking myself "where do I fit in and how do I interact with these people?" You're so right about negativity. It was my teacher for years. Thankfully, I've found some positive and uplifting teachers over the last several years. Thanks for your great work!
Marianne, isn't it freeing to realize we really don't have to fit in anywhere? The greater opportunity lies in being true to who we are. In that authenticity, we may at times fit in and at other times we won't, but we will be comfortable in our own skin. In that comfort, others have a better chance to love us for who we are rather than who we are trying to be in order to fit in. In our self-acceptance there is so much more room to accept and love others—a wonderful, positive way to live. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you Misa. Yes, I am me, younger and different from my brother and my sister, shaped by different thoughts and experiences. I think you are referring to something deeper that comes with us when we come into incarnation, a collection of "essences" that will develop if given soil to grow. Deeper than that is the spark from the Infinite Source.
Yes George, you understood perfectly what was in my mind and heart at the deepest level. If we love and accept ourselves fully as we are from the very spark of our inception as personality from the Infinite Source, then we truly can embrace the unique expressions of all those that come into our path for they too are expressions from same Source. When we fall in love with the essence/soul of our being and fall in love with the essence of others, we may have much to discuss and even debate, but little to criticize.
Misa, THANK YOU so much. I thought it was just my family. I dread every family function and actually become sick to my stomach the day of the function. After I return home, telling myself it wasn't too bad but yet I get depressed and it takes me a couple days to shake it off. I think the thing that bothers me most is they are all Church going Christains. I dodge the bullets because lots of times I am the brunt of Mothers jokes and teasing. We have opposite views on race, reliegon and politics so for the most part I feel nothing in common and accept that we are different. I find myself being cynicle and judgemental in my mind toward them, so now I can see how that could be a negative force in my life.
Lyndy,
I can truly understand how challenging family dynamics can be. Two thoughts come to mind to consider and see if they hold any meaning for you. 1) Consider teasing yourself before your mother can do it. Years ago, after resenting being the "weird" person in our family, I chose to be with it differently. I got comfortable with being weird. I loved being weird because it meant I was authentically who I am here to be. So at a Thanksgiving dinner after being teased one more time, I lovingly proclaimed, "Yes, I am the weird aunt. Every family needs one and I get to be the one." We all dissolved into laughter and in the peace that remained there was only the truth that we are each who we are. 2) As you listen to the family criticism, could you allow yourself to look deeper into the pain/fear that is underneath their words? In that you may be able to discover compassion for the struggle going on under the criticism being conveyed on the surface.
Thank you, Misa. I need this right now, as I seem to have been caught in a whirlpool of cynicism lately; and it's literally a pain in the neck! I'm ready to let it all go. 🙂
Susan,
There is a lot of cynicism in the world, and fortunately you have the energy of the whirlpool to let it all go, where it is quiet and peaceful in the center. I look forward to hearing about how things change for you as you sink into that quiet, loving awareness.
Wow – that is something to think about – (cynicism) is like saying the Divine presence in each person isn't living up to your expectation. It is easy to get cynical with so much scamming going on.
I'll have to watch my attitudes with new techniques I try. Thanks.
Val,
As I shared, it took me a while to catch this one and realize how much affect it was having on my life. It is so common and accepted to be cynical that it takes some real consciousness to notice it and let it go when it comes up. And of course, not to be cynical with ourselves when we see it coming up! 😉